#225:Awareness by Anthony De Mello, Fighting Downhill Battles, Compliments are Selfish...
“You’re not living until it doesn’t matter a tinker’s damn to you whether you live or die.”
Hello! This week’s newsletter contains essays that draw inspiration from reading Anthony De Mello’s Awareness again. It’s also more theoretical and personal than normal. I think it might be because I was incapacitated for two days after my second COVID-19 vaccine. It was a frustrating experience to say the least. This, combined with the drive that led to picking up De Mello’s book earlier in the week, led to a more reflective newsletter. It’s shy on the business side of things. But if that’s what you love, probably best to sign up for the premium anyway.
As always, feel free to pick and choose from the categories below and I hope one of the things I wrote is of some value to you.
Business & Investing
Systems, Culture & Work
Introspection, Habits & Creating the Self
Business & Investing
Last Week’s Premium Newsletter: "Amazon: Jeff Bezos's Letters Part 1"
“…we had served more than 1.5million customers, yielding 838% revenue growth to $147.8 million…”
Culture, Systems & Work
Downhill & Uphill
Military strategy dictates high ground is what I want — fight downhill battles. History is filled with accounts of a smaller force in an advantageous position beating a side with more weapons, soldiers, and money. A position that is a higher ground, chokepoint or both.
Pressing advantages is a norm in the battlefield of capitalism. I love seeing companies I invest in go out and crush their competition. It’s no different than the Golden State Warriors raining three-pointers on their opposition. Whether its dynasties in sports or companies whose names become verbs and symbols, they get there playing to their strengths.
It’s the pillar of building a career too. To focus on doing work that utilizes your strengths. Yet, why is there such an appeal to be Sisyphus? To push uphill all the time and struggle.
Is it because it’s easier to be a "failing artist”? A failing artist is doing something that is known to be difficult. So failing at it doesn’t hurt them as much. This allows the artist to hide as a statistic. Pushing a boulder uphill, to complete an impossible task. They can chalk up their laziness to how hard their plight is.
I would be playing a dangerous game to debate between whether the uphill struggle or downhill windfall is better. It would be nonsensical. But every time things get hard, it’s worth asking these questions.
It’s not that a downhill battle is without struggle. All battles have struggle. Yet, every time it feels like I’m fighting an uphill battle, it might be worth stopping and ask myself if this is truly a battle worth fighting. If there is a way I can turn into a downhill battle for myself. If I misjudged the terrain somewhere. It’s the Tim Ferriss question of “what would this look like if it were easy?”
Most people are impressed by those who make something difficult look easy. Instead, maybe I should focus on doing easy things that appear difficult.
Selfish Compliments
When do we compliment strangers? If you are like me, it’s when we are in a good mood. I find I don’t have anything positive to say when I’m fuming with anger and contempt for my fellow human.
If my compliment to my morning barista or neighbour in the elevator is reliant on my mood at that exact moment in time, how valid is a compliment from a stranger to me? When strangers tells me I have nice skin or they like my shirt, it’s not actually about me. It’s about them and they’re having a nice day.
Good mood is contagious. It starts with choosing to feel great. It’s as simple as that.
I’ll start the day telling myself it’s a fucking amazing day to be alive, head out and compliment a stranger. This lightens her mood and she might compliment another. The chain grows.
The compliment is not a reflection of what is being complimented. It could be but the receiver won’t know for sure. What’s certain is that the complimenter is having a good day.
This makes complimenting sound selfish. That’s because it is and that’s good. It’s great to do something that’s within our self-interest. We’re at least being honest to ourselves when we do this.
Charity is selfish because we feel great after doing so. Even if we don’t, we will tell others and that will lead to applause that makes us feel good. The latter is a roundabout way of promoting vanity but it still works I suppose.
It’s just great to cut the shit and admit to myself that when I compliment someone, it’s because I’m having a great day. If they feel great then that’s a plus.
I might be complimenting a guy for a shirt that has nothing but bad memories for him. Now, I’m an asshole to him for complimenting his shirt. But who cares? I could’ve been the excuse someone needs to have a good day. If someone wants to have a bad day, I’m not going to change their mind. People don’t change their mind because they see other people’s side. They change their mind because they want to.
The next time I decide to be in a good mood, I should go out and compliment someone. If it’s true that would be great. But I’ll end up rationalizing any compliment as true no matter what. That’s what a human does.
At the least, if I receive a compliment, I should consider deciding to put myself in a good mood. I’m only hurting myself by being in a shitty mood. All I can do in this life is change myself so might as well be selfish about it and compliment away. Look at how great a mood I am in world!
Introspection, Habits & Creating the Self
Recapping Awareness
I reread Awareness by Anthony De Mello over the week. As a good book should, there were many passages that gave me pause. I often found myself sitting cross-legged on the sofa with a need to meditate dominating my mind.
De Mello warns the reader of the difference between analysis versus awareness. An advice he repeats over and over again. The same was said for information versus insight.
Here is my subpar way of interpreting what he is saying: A smoker that doesn’t quit because there’s a higher chance of him dying from a car crash has information. He is analyzing it. But the smoker who quits after seeing cancer in his lungs is aware. If didn’t make sense, go read his book.
I can’t help but feel self-conscious writing about a book on awareness. It feels counterintuitive to write about it. Maybe this is the trap of “analysis" I’m falling into. Lord knows I’ve been paralyzed by analysis many times. But alas, I will continue.
The pull to revisit De Mello again came from a desire to revisit my philosophy on life. Questions like living well and a desire to understand my current self. This self felt different from the one last year and the year before — a good sign.
What better place to contemplate on life than to think about how insignificant my life is in the grand scheme of the universe.
“…if we imagine a galaxy, a whole universe, this earth of ours would be lost toward the tail end of the Milky Way; not even in the centre. And every one of the stars is a sun and some suns are so big that they could contain the sun and the earth and the distance between them. At a conservative estimate, there are one hundred million galaxies! The universe, as we know it is expanding at the rate of two million miles a second.”
I’m not saying my life isn’t worth living. I believe it is, that’s why I’m choosing to stay alive today. But if comparing it to the universe can remind me to not take myself so seriously, then it might be a worthy mindset to have.
There’s a saying that learning to die well is required to live well. I forget who said it. But does it matter? We should like a Picasso painting for the art itself, not because of who painted it.
“You’re not living until it doesn’t matter a tinker’s damn to you whether you live or die.”
As De Mello keeps on reminding me, stop taking myself so seriously! I don’t think I have any problem with confidence, arrogance, or vanity. Look at me, I’m writing my thoughts in public thinking it matters a damn. For people like me, I need to remind myself to not take myself so seriously.
Along with De Mello, Kurt Vonnegut rings in my head. His scruffy and childish voice reminds me that I’m on this Earth to fart around.
“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.” - Kurt Vonnegut
It would be a mistake to allow my ego to tell me any different. Oh silly Dan, you are here to fart around. Anything else is a bonus.
A good starting point is the Greek philosophers's ‘via negativa’ — gaining by subtracting. Synonymous to the minimalist anthem: “less is more”. De Mello wrote the path towards awareness was to drop all our barriers. The barriers we spent our life erecting. Beliefs, labels, and ideals that didn’t exist before. Ones we inherited, learned, and indoctrinated into so we can fit in.
Of the many barriers worth dropping, a big one is fear. Some fears are obvious mind killers. We know those. But some aren’t. For those, looking at what we hate and angers us is a good place to start.
“We always hate what we fear.”
Every time I get angry, it’s worth stopping to realize I’m running away. That’s what anger is probably doing. I can’t bear to confront what I’m afraid of so I lash out at the world. Even if someone is being an asshole to me, what does it say about me to think yelling at an asshole is the right action. What does it say about me to define another person as an asshole because they don’t behave the way I want them to?
This seems to be a prerequisite for wisdom. Wisdom isn’t about having lots of information and analyzing a ton. Neither gives rise to insights or awareness.
Wisdom is the ability to look at the present situation independently. To have the ability to look at each situation as what it is —without relying on past experiences and opinions. I don’t think this is possible without dropping all the barriers De Mello mentioned. These illusions that symbolize our attachment to the past
Consider the desire to “fit in” as an illusion in itself. De Mello wrote the only truths that make up reality were 1) our desire to love others and 2) to be free. Everything else is an illusion.
Isn’t it fitting that both activities are within our control? I can’t help but think a desire to fit in will give rise to envy. To fit in, you need to have, and doesn’t that breed desire for those who have?
We were happy when we were ignorant of what others had. It’s good to be inspired but stop there if you can. To push it is to give in to envy.
Happy is the natural state. It’s important to be aware of that. It’s when we start comparing ourselves to others and looking at what others have that we start to desire and think this is a desire that needs to be fulfilled to be happy. That is the root of our unhappiness…. desiring what others have and thinking we need it to be fulfilled.
Life is short. Why waste it with worries, envy, anxiety, and concerns. These are all concoctions of my doing. Given how meaningless my life truly is. It makes sense to go out and have fun. To explore and be unapologetic for who I am. To shed my past. Thank you, Anthony.
Daily Log on Instagram:
Currently, I’m recording my daily training, fasting and nutrition at the end of each day on Instagram. It’s not the typical type of content you see you Instagram but it seems apt to share the daily struggles with discipline.